Life After Madelyn

So, it’s taken me a lot longer than I’d hoped to add to my blog.  I’ve been torn between which part of life after baby loss would be best to start with after my last post, but I eventually decided the best place to start would be back at the beginning of this journey; when our beautiful girl was born. Madelyn was 6lb 6oz and was 46cm long, something not a lot of people know as they don’t tend to ask after your baby has died.  You also don’t really get the chance to share your birth story as you don’t really get asked about it.  I’m not sure if people think it’s inappropriate to ask these things when you didn’t get to take your baby home, or if maybe it’s just the sort of thing some people find too upsetting to hear about.  To be honest, I’ve taken a long time to decide whether I want to tell everyone Madelyn’s birth story because I’ve always been very conscious of upsetting or scaring people - especially those who may be expecting a baby themselves - but I want ...

I decided to start this blog as a kind of therapy for myself.  Most bereaved parents tend to start blogging or writing down their thoughts soon after their loss, so I feel like I’m doing this a bit backwards but I need to start somewhere.  I’m not expecting a lot of people to read it - to be honest I’m not much of a writer – but I’m doing this for myself and if another bereaved parent happens to stumble upon it and it helps them in some way, that’s a bonus. Yes, it’s been two years since our beautiful Madelyn was taken and I’d hoped to be in a better place by now, but it’s still so hard to accept.  I know that part of that acceptance is the understanding that we will always feel her loss; that she will always be missing from our family, but that makes me so bitter and angry at times.  I miss her every minute of every day, and it upsets me knowing that my family miss her so much too, but a lot of my anger stems from the fact that she never got a chance to live....